1 00:00:01,566 --> 00:00:01,784 . 2 00:00:01,827 --> 00:00:03,568 [birds chirping] 3 00:00:03,612 --> 00:00:06,528 - ♪ Hallelujah, Glory Hallelujah ♪ 4 00:00:06,571 --> 00:00:08,704 ♪ I'm gonna praise His name 5 00:00:09,705 --> 00:00:10,706 - [groans] 6 00:00:14,884 --> 00:00:18,366 - ♪ Glory, Hallelujah, gonna make His praises reign ♪ 7 00:00:18,409 --> 00:00:21,021 ♪ Everybody, Lord, walk by His side ♪ 8 00:00:21,064 --> 00:00:23,284 ♪ Every step you've got 9 00:00:23,327 --> 00:00:25,634 ♪ I don't care what the world may do ♪ 10 00:00:25,677 --> 00:00:27,201 ♪ I'm gonna praise His-- 11 00:00:27,244 --> 00:00:29,072 [doorbell rings] 12 00:00:29,116 --> 00:00:31,857 [tense music] 13 00:00:31,901 --> 00:00:39,126 ♪ 14 00:00:42,607 --> 00:00:43,565 What? 15 00:00:43,608 --> 00:00:45,871 - Hello. I'm here to see Rosemary. 16 00:00:45,915 --> 00:00:47,525 - Yeah. She's dead. 17 00:00:50,876 --> 00:00:54,402 [man sobbing] 18 00:00:56,404 --> 00:00:58,580 - Wait a second. Who the hell are you? 19 00:00:58,623 --> 00:01:00,103 And what's with the box of rubbers? 20 00:01:00,147 --> 00:01:02,062 - I'm so sorry I didn't know. 21 00:01:02,105 --> 00:01:03,106 I'm an old friend of Rosemary's. 22 00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:04,368 I thought I'd surprise her, 23 00:01:04,412 --> 00:01:05,630 'cause, you know, it's her birthday. 24 00:01:05,674 --> 00:01:07,241 - Yeah, I know it's her birthday. 25 00:01:07,284 --> 00:01:08,503 She's my dead mom. What I don't know still 26 00:01:08,546 --> 00:01:10,200 is what's with the rubbers? 27 00:01:10,244 --> 00:01:11,723 Were you banging my mom? 28 00:01:11,767 --> 00:01:13,116 - Well, yes, 29 00:01:13,160 --> 00:01:15,379 but she was a lot more than a fanny-call. 30 00:01:15,423 --> 00:01:17,381 - You mean "booty"? 31 00:01:17,425 --> 00:01:19,340 - I suppose I do. I suppose I mean "booty." 32 00:01:19,383 --> 00:01:20,732 I didn't know she'd passed. 33 00:01:20,776 --> 00:01:23,039 We met years ago at the Little Drywood Rodeo 34 00:01:23,083 --> 00:01:24,823 and sort of took up with each other. 35 00:01:24,867 --> 00:01:26,651 Whenever I come to town on business, 36 00:01:26,695 --> 00:01:30,525 I'd look Rosemary up and we'd-- we'd comfort each other. 37 00:01:30,568 --> 00:01:32,440 Repeatedly, all over the house. 38 00:01:32,483 --> 00:01:33,919 - Oh, God. 39 00:01:33,963 --> 00:01:36,357 - Jack? Jack! 40 00:01:36,400 --> 00:01:40,012 Please! We both loved her. 41 00:01:40,665 --> 00:01:42,537 - Wrongo, Father time. I loved her. 42 00:01:42,580 --> 00:01:44,321 I've never even heard of you. And how do you know my name? 43 00:01:44,365 --> 00:01:45,975 - Rosemary talked a lot about you. 44 00:01:46,018 --> 00:01:50,066 May I ask, what have you planned to celebrate her today? 45 00:01:50,110 --> 00:01:52,199 - Yeah, I, uh, I don't celebrate 46 00:01:52,242 --> 00:01:53,200 dead people's birthdays. 47 00:01:53,243 --> 00:01:54,679 Here's a fun secret: 48 00:01:54,723 --> 00:01:55,854 They don't mind. 49 00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:57,029 - We could visit her grave, 50 00:01:57,073 --> 00:01:59,293 maybe have a good cry together. 51 00:01:59,336 --> 00:02:01,643 It's important to let these things out. 52 00:02:01,686 --> 00:02:02,644 - Uh-huh. 53 00:02:02,687 --> 00:02:06,300 ♪ 54 00:02:06,343 --> 00:02:09,346 - In case you change your mind. 55 00:02:13,176 --> 00:02:15,135 - Brandon? 56 00:02:15,178 --> 00:02:16,919 - One, two, three, four! 57 00:02:16,962 --> 00:02:19,443 - ♪ Next time I'll listen to my heart ♪ 58 00:02:19,487 --> 00:02:22,272 ♪ Next time, well, I'll be smart ♪ 59 00:02:22,316 --> 00:02:29,410 ♪ 60 00:02:30,672 --> 00:02:34,937 - All right, everyone shut up and finish shutting up fast. 61 00:02:34,980 --> 00:02:36,939 I've had a very icky morning. 62 00:02:36,982 --> 00:02:39,420 Top ten ickiest of all time. 63 00:02:39,463 --> 00:02:41,552 So I'm sitting there, enjoying my shower, 64 00:02:41,596 --> 00:02:44,076 this old guy shows up at my door, unannounced, 65 00:02:44,120 --> 00:02:46,340 looking to bang my dead mom. 66 00:02:46,383 --> 00:02:47,645 And as if that wasn't gross enough, 67 00:02:47,689 --> 00:02:49,299 the guy's name was Brandon. 68 00:02:49,343 --> 00:02:50,692 Yeah, Brandon. I mean, we're talking about 69 00:02:50,735 --> 00:02:53,173 an old Brandon. Now, this dude was old. 70 00:02:53,216 --> 00:02:55,218 Must be the first in the New World. 71 00:02:55,262 --> 00:02:56,785 Anyway, this creep shows up at my door, 72 00:02:56,828 --> 00:02:58,917 inviting me to some sort of crying ritual 73 00:02:58,961 --> 00:03:00,180 for my dead mom's birthday. 74 00:03:00,223 --> 00:03:01,529 What are you talking about, man? 75 00:03:01,572 --> 00:03:03,444 Old Brandon, I do not need to cry. 76 00:03:03,487 --> 00:03:07,535 [babies crying] 77 00:03:10,625 --> 00:03:11,974 Tempting to plow right past this, 78 00:03:12,017 --> 00:03:13,062 but, fine, I'll bite. 79 00:03:13,105 --> 00:03:14,629 What's with the stupid dolls? 80 00:03:14,672 --> 00:03:16,674 - These are infant simulators from health class. 81 00:03:16,718 --> 00:03:19,329 - They have to be fed, burped, cuddled, changed regularly, 82 00:03:19,373 --> 00:03:20,809 or otherwise they cry. 83 00:03:20,852 --> 00:03:22,985 - They're perfect replicas in every way, 84 00:03:23,028 --> 00:03:24,421 except we can't bathe them. 85 00:03:24,465 --> 00:03:26,031 - This project was totally forced upon us. 86 00:03:26,075 --> 00:03:27,337 I'm so busy with everything I already do; 87 00:03:27,381 --> 00:03:28,904 I can't add a baby to it. 88 00:03:28,947 --> 00:03:30,514 - You're, uh, gripping that little baby's skull 89 00:03:30,558 --> 00:03:32,037 pretty tightly there, Sarika. 90 00:03:32,081 --> 00:03:34,214 - I have tried all of the cuddle configurations 91 00:03:34,257 --> 00:03:35,693 in the manual and none of them work. 92 00:03:35,737 --> 00:03:37,956 - No, no. I will not be sidetracked by this. 93 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:41,351 Today's mission is to retaliate against Old Brandon. 94 00:03:41,395 --> 00:03:44,180 This old bitch dropped a bombshell on my life, 95 00:03:44,224 --> 00:03:46,226 and I vow to pay him back in kind. 96 00:03:46,269 --> 00:03:48,880 - At the risk of incurring your wrath-- 97 00:03:48,924 --> 00:03:50,447 don't you think you should consider 98 00:03:50,491 --> 00:03:52,057 genuinely commiserating with this man? 99 00:03:52,101 --> 00:03:53,842 I mean, you obviously have some unresolved issues 100 00:03:53,885 --> 00:03:54,973 about your mom. 101 00:03:55,017 --> 00:03:57,237 - What? Where you getting that from? 102 00:03:57,280 --> 00:03:59,239 - You seem very glib about how she's-- 103 00:03:59,282 --> 00:04:00,805 - Dead? 104 00:04:00,849 --> 00:04:02,285 [baby cries] 105 00:04:02,329 --> 00:04:03,373 Yeah, well, that is the adjective 106 00:04:03,417 --> 00:04:04,809 that best describes her. 107 00:04:04,853 --> 00:04:06,333 I'd say you guys should be more concerned 108 00:04:06,376 --> 00:04:07,812 if I start describing her as "alive" 109 00:04:07,856 --> 00:04:10,902 or "mommy who resides in the attic." 110 00:04:10,946 --> 00:04:12,339 Besides... [scoffs] 111 00:04:12,382 --> 00:04:13,949 even if I did have feelings about this, 112 00:04:13,992 --> 00:04:16,386 I wouldn't need some sort of hokey grieving ceremony 113 00:04:16,430 --> 00:04:18,040 to get over them. 114 00:04:18,083 --> 00:04:19,955 - My therapist said you need to find a healthy outlet 115 00:04:19,998 --> 00:04:22,305 for your feelings, otherwise you'll act out. 116 00:04:22,349 --> 00:04:24,742 For me, it was annihilating mailboxes. 117 00:04:24,786 --> 00:04:26,918 - I don't need help with my dead mom's birthday. 118 00:04:26,962 --> 00:04:30,008 I need personal bombshells that will rock Old Brandon's world. 119 00:04:30,052 --> 00:04:31,401 [thud] 120 00:04:31,445 --> 00:04:33,708 [babies crying] 121 00:04:33,751 --> 00:04:34,970 Ugh. 122 00:04:35,013 --> 00:04:37,929 This is--this is untenable. No, come on. 123 00:04:37,973 --> 00:04:39,583 Grab your babies, and I want you to throw them 124 00:04:39,627 --> 00:04:41,846 in the closet right now, guys-- or you get an F. 125 00:04:41,890 --> 00:04:43,587 - Mr. Griffin, these simulators measure how well 126 00:04:43,631 --> 00:04:44,893 we take care of them. 127 00:04:44,936 --> 00:04:46,111 - If we abandon them in a closet, 128 00:04:46,155 --> 00:04:47,417 we'll get an F in Health. 129 00:04:47,461 --> 00:04:49,114 - What? Threatening "F"s is my thing. 130 00:04:49,158 --> 00:04:51,029 I-- screw this. 131 00:04:51,073 --> 00:04:52,204 Gonna go talk to Durbin. 132 00:04:52,248 --> 00:04:55,077 [babies crying] 133 00:05:03,085 --> 00:05:04,260 - Hi, Dale. 134 00:05:04,304 --> 00:05:06,001 - You didn't have to do that. 135 00:05:06,044 --> 00:05:08,612 - Oh, well, you shouldn't have to pick up trash 136 00:05:08,656 --> 00:05:10,353 someone throws on the floor. 137 00:05:10,397 --> 00:05:14,139 - No one has ever said that to me before. 138 00:05:14,183 --> 00:05:15,445 Here it goes. 139 00:05:15,489 --> 00:05:17,926 Uh, Miss Stef, fair warning: 140 00:05:17,969 --> 00:05:19,493 I'm coming at ya. 141 00:05:19,536 --> 00:05:21,146 - Oh. - I, uh... 142 00:05:21,190 --> 00:05:24,672 Would very much like to buy you a drink sometime. 143 00:05:24,715 --> 00:05:26,369 Maybe go bowling or something. 144 00:05:26,413 --> 00:05:28,458 - Like, as friends? - No, ma'am. 145 00:05:28,502 --> 00:05:31,896 This would be a full-on romantic date. 146 00:05:31,940 --> 00:05:33,811 Perfect version of it ends in some kissing. 147 00:05:33,855 --> 00:05:35,944 - Um, you know what, actually, I just got this 148 00:05:35,987 --> 00:05:40,340 really expensive manicure, so I really should not be bowling. 149 00:05:40,383 --> 00:05:42,820 - Well, then, simply do me the courtesy of watching me 150 00:05:42,864 --> 00:05:45,606 throw a few frames and then we could adjourn 151 00:05:45,649 --> 00:05:47,521 into the game room for some Big Buck Hunter 152 00:05:47,564 --> 00:05:49,000 and an appetizer sampler. 153 00:05:49,044 --> 00:05:51,525 And honestly, if bowling is the issue, 154 00:05:51,568 --> 00:05:52,961 I have other ideas. 155 00:05:53,004 --> 00:05:56,747 We could go to the movies or go to the zoo. 156 00:05:56,791 --> 00:05:58,488 I could show you the roof. - Listen, Dale, 157 00:05:58,532 --> 00:06:00,795 I gotta be honest. 158 00:06:00,838 --> 00:06:04,146 I would--I would never go on a date with you. 159 00:06:04,886 --> 00:06:08,672 Because, um, my best friend, Mary, 160 00:06:08,716 --> 00:06:11,327 she has a huge crush on you. 161 00:06:11,371 --> 00:06:13,198 - Art room Mary? - Yep. 162 00:06:13,242 --> 00:06:14,678 - Korean American? - Yep. 163 00:06:14,722 --> 00:06:16,463 - This tall? - Yep. 164 00:06:16,506 --> 00:06:18,073 - Eats lunch with you? - Mm-hmm. 165 00:06:18,116 --> 00:06:19,509 - Always goes, "Huh?" 166 00:06:19,553 --> 00:06:21,032 - That Mary, yes. 167 00:06:21,076 --> 00:06:24,514 - I think I know who you're talking about. 168 00:06:24,558 --> 00:06:26,429 Didn't she had a crush on me. 169 00:06:26,473 --> 00:06:27,996 - So it would violate Girl Code 170 00:06:28,039 --> 00:06:29,693 for me to date her crush. 171 00:06:29,737 --> 00:06:31,913 So, uh, it just can't happen. 172 00:06:31,956 --> 00:06:35,395 But thank you for your service. 173 00:06:35,438 --> 00:06:37,440 It smells good in here. 174 00:06:38,093 --> 00:06:39,399 - Thank you very much. 175 00:06:40,922 --> 00:06:42,358 [sighs] 176 00:06:42,402 --> 00:06:43,925 - This is my class. 177 00:06:43,968 --> 00:06:46,318 Why can't I talk about safe sex? 178 00:06:46,362 --> 00:06:47,319 - Look, Michelle, this is coming 179 00:06:47,363 --> 00:06:48,930 from above, really, okay? 180 00:06:48,973 --> 00:06:50,801 And I think it's good that students feel 181 00:06:50,845 --> 00:06:52,237 how hard it is to have a baby. 182 00:06:52,281 --> 00:06:53,848 You know, I don't have any babies, 183 00:06:53,891 --> 00:06:55,327 but I've been in a restaurant where one is screaming, 184 00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,677 and it's like, no. 185 00:06:56,720 --> 00:06:58,809 - Ralph, you know these robot babies? 186 00:06:58,853 --> 00:07:00,594 They suck! - Ding, ding, ding. 187 00:07:00,637 --> 00:07:01,986 Exactly. - Yeah, you gotta 188 00:07:02,030 --> 00:07:02,857 shut this down, man. 189 00:07:02,900 --> 00:07:06,077 I need my kids focused on... 190 00:07:06,121 --> 00:07:07,296 Uh... 191 00:07:07,339 --> 00:07:08,471 - Pass the A.P. test? 192 00:07:08,515 --> 00:07:09,472 - Yeah. Yes. Yeah, perfect. 193 00:07:09,516 --> 00:07:10,734 The A.P. te-- 194 00:07:10,778 --> 00:07:12,388 The babies are messing up test prep. 195 00:07:12,432 --> 00:07:14,129 - You know what, guys, there's nothing I can do here. 196 00:07:14,172 --> 00:07:17,393 I mean, Ohio is back to abstinence-only education. 197 00:07:17,437 --> 00:07:18,568 Our-- - Come on. 198 00:07:18,612 --> 00:07:20,091 I need to give these kids condoms. 199 00:07:20,135 --> 00:07:21,876 Ralph, they work. 200 00:07:21,919 --> 00:07:25,009 Otherwise Keith and I would have... 201 00:07:25,053 --> 00:07:26,533 100 or so kids. 202 00:07:26,576 --> 00:07:28,099 Maybe two-hundy. 203 00:07:28,143 --> 00:07:30,972 - Okay, Michelle, thank you for being so open, 204 00:07:31,015 --> 00:07:33,278 but the only thing that we're allowed to say about condoms 205 00:07:33,322 --> 00:07:35,280 is that they are 2% ineffective 206 00:07:35,324 --> 00:07:37,457 and everyone is watching you while you buy them. 207 00:07:37,500 --> 00:07:41,286 So our only option is to scare these kids off of sex entirely. 208 00:07:41,330 --> 00:07:42,723 - Ralph. Ralph, Ralph. 209 00:07:42,766 --> 00:07:44,115 My kids are in no danger of getting laid, okay? 210 00:07:44,159 --> 00:07:45,900 They do not need a sex deterrent, trust me. 211 00:07:45,943 --> 00:07:47,641 If anybody needs a sex deterrent, 212 00:07:47,684 --> 00:07:49,469 it's wrinkly old gigolos who travel from town to town, 213 00:07:49,512 --> 00:07:52,950 seducing innocent old moms who just want to enjoy a nice day 214 00:07:52,994 --> 00:07:55,779 at the rodeo. That's all they want. 215 00:07:55,823 --> 00:07:57,607 Eh... [baby crying in distance] 216 00:07:57,651 --> 00:07:59,217 - Has that been happening? 217 00:07:59,261 --> 00:08:01,350 - I don't recognize this country anymore. 218 00:08:01,393 --> 00:08:03,483 - If we're gonna settle the score with Old Brandon, 219 00:08:03,526 --> 00:08:05,963 we're gonna have to divide and conquer. 220 00:08:06,007 --> 00:08:08,139 All right, B-squad's got the babies under control. 221 00:08:08,183 --> 00:08:10,881 A-squad, let's hear what you've got on devastating Old Brandon. 222 00:08:10,925 --> 00:08:12,187 - Just tell him that your mom 223 00:08:12,230 --> 00:08:13,710 slept with everyone on the block. 224 00:08:13,754 --> 00:08:15,320 - Come on, Anthony, I can't use that. 225 00:08:15,364 --> 00:08:16,887 All right, keep in mind, this is a bombshell 226 00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,280 that's gonna be dropped at her grave. 227 00:08:18,323 --> 00:08:19,803 - And today's her birthday? 228 00:08:19,847 --> 00:08:21,022 - And it's her birthday, Anthony. 229 00:08:21,065 --> 00:08:22,763 Show some respect. 230 00:08:22,806 --> 00:08:25,156 - You know, sometimes I get mad because I don't want to be sad. 231 00:08:25,200 --> 00:08:26,810 - Cool, Dan. So what? 232 00:08:26,854 --> 00:08:28,551 - I'm just saying maybe you're really sad. 233 00:08:28,595 --> 00:08:30,335 - About your mom's birthday. 234 00:08:30,379 --> 00:08:32,076 - You know what's really sad is watching you guys 235 00:08:32,120 --> 00:08:34,731 trying to analyze me with your unfinished brains. 236 00:08:34,775 --> 00:08:36,298 Somebody give me something I can use, please. 237 00:08:36,341 --> 00:08:37,342 Heather, go. 238 00:08:37,386 --> 00:08:39,170 - Two words: sucker punch. 239 00:08:39,214 --> 00:08:40,389 - All right, that's in the right area. 240 00:08:40,432 --> 00:08:41,956 Can't do that, though. 241 00:08:41,999 --> 00:08:43,653 Fighting an old man's kind of what got me banished 242 00:08:43,697 --> 00:08:45,220 at Toledo in the first place. Come on, guys! 243 00:08:45,263 --> 00:08:46,656 Come on! 244 00:08:46,700 --> 00:08:48,049 Don't you care that this man banged my mom? 245 00:08:48,092 --> 00:08:50,051 Son of a bitch! - Seems like you're being 246 00:08:50,094 --> 00:08:51,182 a bit of a prude. 247 00:08:51,226 --> 00:08:53,881 - A prude? Well, that's not possible. 248 00:08:53,924 --> 00:08:56,840 How could I be a prude when I have had sex with... 249 00:08:56,884 --> 00:08:59,451 all: Twenty-four women. 250 00:08:59,495 --> 00:09:01,584 - We get it. - Do you? 251 00:09:01,628 --> 00:09:03,586 - Mr. Griffin, I think I have something. 252 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:04,979 Despite being in B-squad, 253 00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,502 I have discovered that Old Brandon 254 00:09:06,546 --> 00:09:08,591 has a daughter here in Toledo. 255 00:09:09,679 --> 00:09:13,378 - Sadie Rodonski. A personal injury lawyer. 256 00:09:13,422 --> 00:09:15,903 You know what, this could actually be perfect. 257 00:09:15,946 --> 00:09:18,035 I could tell his daughter about his disgusting affair 258 00:09:18,079 --> 00:09:20,211 with my dead mom. She'd be completely yucked out 259 00:09:20,255 --> 00:09:21,865 just like I was. It'll ruin all their 260 00:09:21,909 --> 00:09:23,737 family dinners for the rest of their lives. 261 00:09:23,780 --> 00:09:24,738 Even Steven. 262 00:09:24,781 --> 00:09:26,130 - That doesn't sound even. 263 00:09:26,174 --> 00:09:28,263 That just sounds like harassing a stranger. 264 00:09:28,306 --> 00:09:31,266 - Uh, yes, hi. I have been severely 265 00:09:31,309 --> 00:09:32,702 personally injured. 266 00:09:32,746 --> 00:09:35,487 I'd like to speak to your top attorney, please. 267 00:09:35,531 --> 00:09:36,706 No, no, no. Not her. 268 00:09:36,750 --> 00:09:39,230 Get me Sadie Rodonski. 269 00:09:44,235 --> 00:09:44,453 . 270 00:09:44,496 --> 00:09:46,324 - All right, Mr. Griffin. 271 00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,500 Thanks for waiting. 272 00:09:48,544 --> 00:09:50,633 Let's see if we can get you paid. 273 00:09:50,677 --> 00:09:54,681 So what is the nature of your injury? 274 00:09:54,724 --> 00:09:57,292 - Well, I have been severely grossed out. 275 00:09:57,335 --> 00:09:59,120 - Severely grossed out? 276 00:09:59,163 --> 00:10:01,165 - Unfortunately, yeah, to the max. 277 00:10:01,209 --> 00:10:03,124 Sadie, I hate to spring this on you, 278 00:10:03,167 --> 00:10:06,649 but our old parents... [laughs] 279 00:10:06,693 --> 00:10:09,652 well, they, uh, they... 280 00:10:09,696 --> 00:10:12,263 they put their stuff all over each other. 281 00:10:12,307 --> 00:10:14,657 - Oh, my God. Are you Rosemary's kid? 282 00:10:14,701 --> 00:10:16,485 - Wait a minute, you already know about this? 283 00:10:16,528 --> 00:10:17,573 - Yes. 284 00:10:17,617 --> 00:10:19,357 - Damn it. 285 00:10:19,401 --> 00:10:22,186 I...I was hoping to devastate you to get back at your dad. 286 00:10:22,230 --> 00:10:24,188 - Oh, my God. I totally get that. 287 00:10:24,232 --> 00:10:26,277 I mean, I hated your mom when I found out. 288 00:10:26,321 --> 00:10:28,671 They got together, like, eight weeks after my mom's funeral. 289 00:10:28,715 --> 00:10:31,543 - Oh, ouch. So your mom's dead too, huh? 290 00:10:31,587 --> 00:10:32,762 - She's dead. 291 00:10:32,806 --> 00:10:33,981 - Yeah, sounds like your dad's got a type. 292 00:10:34,024 --> 00:10:35,199 - Oh. [laughs] 293 00:10:35,243 --> 00:10:37,332 - [chuckles] Almost-dead people. 294 00:10:39,682 --> 00:10:41,553 - So what was this plan? 295 00:10:41,597 --> 00:10:43,033 I mean, did you just want me to get me to picture 296 00:10:43,077 --> 00:10:46,515 these two white raisins stuck together 297 00:10:46,558 --> 00:10:48,082 so I'd pick a fight with my dad? 298 00:10:48,125 --> 00:10:49,213 - Yeah, that was pretty much it. 299 00:10:49,257 --> 00:10:51,563 - Yeah, that's pretty conniving. 300 00:10:51,607 --> 00:10:52,869 So I guess you're not just a face. 301 00:10:52,913 --> 00:10:54,915 You've got a brain too. 302 00:10:54,958 --> 00:10:56,177 - Oh, yeah, I got a big old brain. 303 00:10:56,220 --> 00:10:58,701 Yeah, PhD from Harvard. 304 00:10:58,745 --> 00:11:00,398 [tense music] 305 00:11:00,442 --> 00:11:02,705 - You know, I just thought of a really fun way 306 00:11:02,749 --> 00:11:06,578 that we could get back at our folks. 307 00:11:06,622 --> 00:11:11,671 ♪ 308 00:11:11,714 --> 00:11:12,541 Lock the door. 309 00:11:12,584 --> 00:11:15,109 - For real? You sure? 310 00:11:16,284 --> 00:11:17,720 - Devastate me. 311 00:11:17,764 --> 00:11:19,069 ♪ 312 00:11:19,113 --> 00:11:21,332 [school bell rings] 313 00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,508 [baby crying] 314 00:11:27,295 --> 00:11:29,384 - I'll get the art room today. 315 00:11:29,427 --> 00:11:31,168 - Oh, okay, just 'cause they gave you the keys, 316 00:11:31,212 --> 00:11:32,822 you my boss now? 317 00:11:32,866 --> 00:11:34,128 - Hans? 318 00:11:36,304 --> 00:11:37,740 - Oh, hey, Dale. What's up? 319 00:11:37,784 --> 00:11:42,092 - Oh, boy. Uh, let me stop you right there. 320 00:11:42,136 --> 00:11:45,182 You are clearly a good and kind person 321 00:11:45,226 --> 00:11:47,794 who deserves happiness with someone. 322 00:11:47,837 --> 00:11:50,274 But I am not that someone. 323 00:11:50,318 --> 00:11:52,276 And you have to get that through your head. 324 00:11:52,320 --> 00:11:54,757 - Huh? - The best thing for you to do 325 00:11:54,801 --> 00:11:58,239 is just forget about me. 326 00:12:01,198 --> 00:12:06,160 You can tell your parents we're dating, if that's helpful. 327 00:12:08,336 --> 00:12:10,686 - What the crap just happened? 328 00:12:12,122 --> 00:12:13,689 [babies cooing] 329 00:12:13,733 --> 00:12:17,214 [thud] [babies crying loudly] 330 00:12:23,133 --> 00:12:24,787 - Twenty-five, bitches. 331 00:12:24,831 --> 00:12:28,051 Yeah, after a very productive meeting with Sadie Rodonski 332 00:12:28,095 --> 00:12:31,663 this morning, I have now had sex with 25 women. 333 00:12:31,707 --> 00:12:35,885 And am armed with a bombshell that is going to destroy 334 00:12:35,929 --> 00:12:37,278 Old Brandon's life. 335 00:12:37,321 --> 00:12:39,759 - So you just had sex before work? 336 00:12:39,802 --> 00:12:40,934 - Yeah, man. 337 00:12:40,977 --> 00:12:42,892 - Are you prepared for the consequences? 338 00:12:42,936 --> 00:12:44,285 She could get pregnant. 339 00:12:44,328 --> 00:12:45,416 - No, we were safe. We were safe. 340 00:12:45,460 --> 00:12:46,983 It's fine. It's fine. 341 00:12:47,027 --> 00:12:48,202 I think... 342 00:12:48,245 --> 00:12:49,551 I think we'll be...fine. 343 00:12:49,594 --> 00:12:50,987 - Are you guys in love? 344 00:12:51,031 --> 00:12:52,510 The sperm can't crack the lady's eggshell 345 00:12:52,554 --> 00:12:53,947 unless they're in love. 346 00:12:53,990 --> 00:12:55,775 - [scoffs] Wow, you guys really do need Sex Ed. 347 00:12:55,818 --> 00:12:57,428 Plus, you're focused on the wrong part, man. 348 00:12:57,472 --> 00:12:59,387 I have my bombshell. This is great. 349 00:12:59,430 --> 00:13:01,258 All I have to do now is call Old Brandon, 350 00:13:01,302 --> 00:13:02,825 arrange to meet him at my mom's grave, 351 00:13:02,869 --> 00:13:04,174 and then... [imitates bomb whistling] 352 00:13:04,218 --> 00:13:06,873 [explosion booming] 353 00:13:06,916 --> 00:13:08,526 - Is this healthy? 354 00:13:08,570 --> 00:13:10,572 Using sex as a weapon seems extreme, even for you. 355 00:13:10,615 --> 00:13:12,400 - Marcus, I'm not using sex as a weapon. 356 00:13:12,443 --> 00:13:14,837 I'm using the fact that I happened into 357 00:13:14,881 --> 00:13:17,622 organic, consensual, wonderful love-making 358 00:13:17,666 --> 00:13:20,843 as a tool to destroy my enemy. 359 00:13:20,887 --> 00:13:22,410 Plus, Saddie and I are cool, man. 360 00:13:22,453 --> 00:13:23,846 You know, we're having drinks on Friday, 361 00:13:23,890 --> 00:13:25,021 so, yeah. 362 00:13:25,065 --> 00:13:26,153 Now, if guys will excuse me, 363 00:13:26,196 --> 00:13:28,198 I'm gonna call the old letch. 364 00:13:28,242 --> 00:13:29,547 [babies screaming] 365 00:13:29,591 --> 00:13:31,245 - Guys, just let him go. 366 00:13:31,288 --> 00:13:32,681 - He's being self-destructive. 367 00:13:32,724 --> 00:13:35,031 - So what? I already deal with this brat. 368 00:13:35,075 --> 00:13:36,380 I can't care of another one. 369 00:13:36,424 --> 00:13:37,860 - At what age do you think we'll start 370 00:13:37,904 --> 00:13:41,385 "happening into organic, wonderful love-making"? 371 00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:44,824 - I don't think we're those kind of guys. 372 00:13:44,867 --> 00:13:47,348 - Oh, yeah, man. I'm so down to grieve. 373 00:13:47,391 --> 00:13:49,741 Yeah, you know, I need this for my heart. 374 00:13:49,785 --> 00:13:51,352 Yeah, no, I'll meet you right there. 375 00:13:51,395 --> 00:13:52,875 I'll meet you right at the gravestone. 376 00:13:52,919 --> 00:13:55,008 We'll turn on the waterworks. It's gonna be great. 377 00:13:59,229 --> 00:13:59,447 . 378 00:13:59,490 --> 00:14:01,449 - Hey, Mary. 379 00:14:01,492 --> 00:14:03,190 You know, you know, let's eat lunch in my car today. 380 00:14:03,233 --> 00:14:05,801 All these crying babies got my womb twitching. 381 00:14:05,845 --> 00:14:07,716 - Mm-hmm. Just give a minute. 382 00:14:07,759 --> 00:14:11,415 - And by the way, so I might have told 383 00:14:11,459 --> 00:14:14,941 Dale the janitor that you might have a crush on him. 384 00:14:14,984 --> 00:14:16,551 He asked me out, and I kind of panicked. 385 00:14:16,594 --> 00:14:18,248 - Oh, well, this explains a lot. 386 00:14:18,292 --> 00:14:20,424 He just came in here and shot me down, hard. 387 00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:21,425 Like, out of nowhere. 388 00:14:21,469 --> 00:14:23,166 - Mary, I am so sorry. 389 00:14:23,210 --> 00:14:24,428 See, this is my fault. I'm gonna go. 390 00:14:24,472 --> 00:14:25,908 - I don't have time to be mad at you. 391 00:14:25,952 --> 00:14:28,258 He took it way too far. 392 00:14:28,302 --> 00:14:30,913 I'm gonna hook him and then dump him on his ass. 393 00:14:30,957 --> 00:14:33,524 This here is a janitor trap. 394 00:14:33,568 --> 00:14:36,832 See, tonight, Dale's gonna come in and spot this $5 bill 395 00:14:36,876 --> 00:14:39,095 sitting conspicuously on my trashcan. 396 00:14:39,139 --> 00:14:40,836 That's the bait. - Okay. 397 00:14:40,880 --> 00:14:42,098 - And now you know he's gonna dive right now, 398 00:14:42,142 --> 00:14:43,534 rooting around for more. 399 00:14:43,578 --> 00:14:44,796 - Greedy little pig. 400 00:14:44,840 --> 00:14:46,102 - But what we'll find instead 401 00:14:46,146 --> 00:14:48,626 is a selection of carefully curated items, 402 00:14:48,670 --> 00:14:50,846 which you might call sexy trash. 403 00:14:50,890 --> 00:14:53,936 Such as a flattering photo of moi. 404 00:14:53,980 --> 00:14:55,938 - Yeah. 405 00:14:55,982 --> 00:14:57,070 - The novel "Dune." 406 00:14:57,113 --> 00:14:59,159 All guys like that. 407 00:14:59,202 --> 00:15:01,683 A yoga award for most flexible. 408 00:15:01,726 --> 00:15:03,076 - Mm-hmm. - Hmm. 409 00:15:03,119 --> 00:15:04,816 And then just some old regular trash 410 00:15:04,860 --> 00:15:06,470 so he feels good about doing his job. 411 00:15:06,514 --> 00:15:09,821 Once he gets all thirsty, that dirty like dastard's 412 00:15:09,865 --> 00:15:11,301 gonna come running back to mama, 413 00:15:11,345 --> 00:15:12,737 begging for a drink, 414 00:15:12,781 --> 00:15:14,957 which I'll be delighted to deny him. 415 00:15:15,001 --> 00:15:16,480 - This is a lot, Mary. Okay? 416 00:15:16,524 --> 00:15:18,482 I mean, I would have just keyed his car. 417 00:15:18,526 --> 00:15:21,485 - Well, I teach Art, Stef. I like crafts. 418 00:15:27,622 --> 00:15:28,840 - Hey. 419 00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,973 I know we started off on a bad foot, 420 00:15:31,017 --> 00:15:32,670 but I'm glad you decided to come. 421 00:15:32,714 --> 00:15:34,803 - Yeah, well, you really threw me for a loop there, 422 00:15:34,846 --> 00:15:35,978 you know? 423 00:15:36,022 --> 00:15:36,979 But it's okay, it's fine. 424 00:15:37,023 --> 00:15:39,112 So, no big. 425 00:15:39,155 --> 00:15:41,114 Uh, you wanna get this thing going or what? 426 00:15:41,157 --> 00:15:43,333 - Oh, would you like to start by saying a few words 427 00:15:43,377 --> 00:15:44,465 about your mom? 428 00:15:44,508 --> 00:15:45,553 - Uh, no, you know what, 429 00:15:45,596 --> 00:15:47,163 I think it's better if you go first. 430 00:15:47,207 --> 00:15:48,251 I want to go last. You go first. Go, go, go. 431 00:15:48,295 --> 00:15:53,126 - Oh, well, after my wife died, 432 00:15:53,169 --> 00:15:55,128 I didn't think I'd ever feel passion... 433 00:15:55,171 --> 00:15:56,694 - Right. - Again. 434 00:15:56,738 --> 00:16:00,698 But my heart found its feet once more with Rosemary. 435 00:16:00,742 --> 00:16:02,265 - I banged your daughter. 436 00:16:02,309 --> 00:16:03,353 [laughs] 437 00:16:05,486 --> 00:16:08,402 Why aren't you reacting? Did I break your old brain? 438 00:16:09,751 --> 00:16:11,448 - Well, color me not surprised. 439 00:16:11,492 --> 00:16:13,711 You two are a couple of hot tamales. 440 00:16:13,755 --> 00:16:16,279 I'm glad the two of you found comfort in each other's arms. 441 00:16:16,323 --> 00:16:18,238 - You know, that's your daughter, you sleaze. 442 00:16:18,281 --> 00:16:21,023 - I'm what you call "sex positive." 443 00:16:21,067 --> 00:16:24,548 Daughters have sex, Jack. So do mothers. 444 00:16:24,592 --> 00:16:26,681 And it seems our families generate some pretty potent 445 00:16:26,724 --> 00:16:28,509 sexual chemistry. 446 00:16:28,552 --> 00:16:29,727 - God, will you shut up? 447 00:16:29,771 --> 00:16:31,120 - Look, you're bound to feel big feelings 448 00:16:31,164 --> 00:16:32,469 here at this place. 449 00:16:32,513 --> 00:16:36,038 It's okay to let it out, Jack. Huh? 450 00:16:36,082 --> 00:16:38,432 Come on, son. It's okay to cry. 451 00:16:40,347 --> 00:16:41,826 Ooh! 452 00:16:41,870 --> 00:16:43,089 [smack] - Oh! 453 00:16:43,132 --> 00:16:45,874 Ah! - What are you doing, Jack? 454 00:16:45,917 --> 00:16:48,877 Stop! [both grunting] 455 00:16:48,920 --> 00:16:53,012 ♪ 456 00:16:53,055 --> 00:16:54,491 - [screams] 457 00:16:54,535 --> 00:16:57,059 - These babies are getting out of hand, Ralph. 458 00:16:57,103 --> 00:16:58,756 The students aren't sleeping, 459 00:16:58,800 --> 00:17:00,062 the parents are complaining. 460 00:17:00,106 --> 00:17:01,846 And all the other teachers hate me! 461 00:17:01,890 --> 00:17:03,674 - Okay, Alyssa, Alyssa. I'm sure they don't hate you. 462 00:17:03,718 --> 00:17:06,503 - Coach Novak threw a dirty diaper at my head. 463 00:17:06,547 --> 00:17:09,376 Which I'm now realizing must have been from his nephew 464 00:17:09,419 --> 00:17:13,293 or something, which means he drove to school with it. 465 00:17:13,336 --> 00:17:14,990 - I'll talk to Dick, all right? 466 00:17:15,034 --> 00:17:16,948 But for now, we got to tough it out with these babies, 467 00:17:16,992 --> 00:17:18,689 for the next couple of days. 468 00:17:18,733 --> 00:17:20,735 - They're not responding to the soothing techniques anymore. 469 00:17:20,778 --> 00:17:22,954 I think there's something really wrong with them, Ralph. 470 00:17:22,998 --> 00:17:26,262 - Okay, I may have gone outside official supply lines 471 00:17:26,306 --> 00:17:29,178 to get a discount, but when the guy sold them to me, 472 00:17:29,222 --> 00:17:30,788 he said they were slightly irregular. 473 00:17:30,832 --> 00:17:33,226 I assumed that meant it was how their fingers 474 00:17:33,269 --> 00:17:35,054 looked like tiny penises. 475 00:17:35,097 --> 00:17:36,533 I didn't know they were gonna malfunction. 476 00:17:36,577 --> 00:17:39,754 - Well, they are, Ralph. What are we gonna do? 477 00:17:39,797 --> 00:17:40,798 - [shudders] Oh, God. 478 00:17:40,842 --> 00:17:42,148 Sorry. 479 00:17:42,191 --> 00:17:43,540 It looks like Willem Dafoe. 480 00:17:43,584 --> 00:17:45,803 [baby crying] 481 00:17:45,847 --> 00:17:48,458 - Oh. It's a compliment. 482 00:17:48,502 --> 00:17:50,199 [babies crying] - It says this should work. 483 00:17:50,243 --> 00:17:51,809 Why isn't it working? 484 00:17:51,853 --> 00:17:53,985 - I can't swaddle any tighter. 485 00:17:54,029 --> 00:17:55,726 - [singing] 486 00:17:55,770 --> 00:17:57,989 - Can't find my sucky... 487 00:17:58,033 --> 00:18:00,035 food juice can. 488 00:18:00,079 --> 00:18:01,341 Stupid mom brain. 489 00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:03,212 Hey, hold on to my grade for a second 490 00:18:03,256 --> 00:18:06,433 while I stop by my locker. 491 00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,826 - Latch on, damn it. Latch on. 492 00:18:08,870 --> 00:18:10,176 - Shut up! 493 00:18:10,219 --> 00:18:13,309 Shut up your silly cybernetic offspring. 494 00:18:13,353 --> 00:18:14,919 - Whoa, did you get in a fight? 495 00:18:14,963 --> 00:18:16,312 - At your mom's grave? 496 00:18:16,356 --> 00:18:18,009 - Yeah, Old Brandon frickin' decked me. 497 00:18:18,053 --> 00:18:20,011 But get this, guys: I told him I boinked his daughter; 498 00:18:20,055 --> 00:18:21,274 he didn't give a hoot. 499 00:18:21,317 --> 00:18:23,014 Stupid hippie thought it was neat. 500 00:18:23,058 --> 00:18:24,625 - So why did he knock you around then? 501 00:18:24,668 --> 00:18:26,975 - Well, because I tried to sucker punch him, Heather. 502 00:18:27,018 --> 00:18:29,020 And how are old men so strong? 503 00:18:29,064 --> 00:18:31,849 I mean, this guy had the grip strength of an orangutan. 504 00:18:31,893 --> 00:18:34,069 It was insane. - Shh! 505 00:18:34,113 --> 00:18:36,985 [babies screaming] 506 00:18:37,028 --> 00:18:38,508 - [shushing aggressively] 507 00:18:38,552 --> 00:18:41,032 - Seriously, shut those babies up. 508 00:18:41,076 --> 00:18:43,165 - We can't! They won't stop. 509 00:18:43,209 --> 00:18:45,036 - This is how the world is now. 510 00:18:45,080 --> 00:18:46,386 - Mother of God. 511 00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:48,344 The sound is burrowing into my brain. 512 00:18:48,388 --> 00:18:50,694 It's worse than Marcus. - Hey, that's unfair. 513 00:18:50,738 --> 00:18:53,001 - Unfair? I am the bereaved party here. 514 00:18:53,044 --> 00:18:56,265 Some traveling pervert steals my mom's birthday from me 515 00:18:56,309 --> 00:18:58,093 and then has the grey-haired balls 516 00:18:58,137 --> 00:19:00,530 to tell me how to deal with her death? 517 00:19:00,574 --> 00:19:03,359 ♪ 518 00:19:03,403 --> 00:19:05,231 Give me the babies. 519 00:19:05,274 --> 00:19:07,189 Just give me all the babies. 520 00:19:07,233 --> 00:19:09,365 Stupid thing. Come on, give it to me. 521 00:19:09,409 --> 00:19:11,454 Give this to me. Gimme, gimme, gimme. 522 00:19:11,498 --> 00:19:13,543 Don't worry about it. Don't worry about it, guys. 523 00:19:13,587 --> 00:19:16,242 [laughing] Yeah, yep, all the babies. 524 00:19:16,285 --> 00:19:18,331 I'm gonna deal with this baby problem right now. 525 00:19:20,420 --> 00:19:20,811 . 526 00:19:20,855 --> 00:19:23,205 [babies crying] 527 00:19:23,249 --> 00:19:24,859 - Give me that. 528 00:19:24,902 --> 00:19:26,469 Gimme, gimme. Gimme babies. 529 00:19:26,513 --> 00:19:27,601 Throw it in. 530 00:19:27,644 --> 00:19:28,906 Baby. 531 00:19:30,604 --> 00:19:31,822 Here we go. 532 00:19:32,954 --> 00:19:34,782 - Anthony, what the hell? Where's my baby? 533 00:19:34,825 --> 00:19:36,653 - Mr. Griffin sort of took it. 534 00:19:36,697 --> 00:19:37,959 - Took it where? 535 00:19:38,002 --> 00:19:40,527 - He took them all. We're free. 536 00:19:40,570 --> 00:19:41,832 - But I'll get an F in Health. 537 00:19:41,876 --> 00:19:43,747 My baby! My baby! 538 00:19:43,791 --> 00:19:48,709 ♪ 539 00:19:48,752 --> 00:19:51,973 [babies crying in distance] 540 00:19:55,194 --> 00:19:57,500 - No! - It's okay, Sarika. 541 00:19:57,544 --> 00:19:58,762 There's no more assignment. 542 00:19:58,806 --> 00:20:00,808 We can't be graded on any of this now. 543 00:20:02,288 --> 00:20:03,680 - All quiet. 544 00:20:03,724 --> 00:20:05,247 [peaceful music] 545 00:20:05,291 --> 00:20:06,944 [exhales deeply] 546 00:20:08,598 --> 00:20:11,210 - No more grades? 547 00:20:11,253 --> 00:20:12,211 - It's over. 548 00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:16,258 ♪ 549 00:20:16,302 --> 00:20:17,738 - There we go. 550 00:20:17,781 --> 00:20:23,222 ♪ 551 00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:26,747 Whoo! 552 00:20:28,183 --> 00:20:30,359 That was the ticket right there. 553 00:20:30,403 --> 00:20:32,013 I feel refreshed, you know? 554 00:20:32,056 --> 00:20:34,276 Nothing like a dip sometimes. 555 00:20:34,320 --> 00:20:36,322 So, uh, what do you guys want to do? 556 00:20:36,365 --> 00:20:37,888 Go back to class? 557 00:20:39,542 --> 00:20:40,804 Yeah. 558 00:20:42,893 --> 00:20:44,634 Old Brandon's probably an all right guy. 559 00:20:44,678 --> 00:20:46,027 Yeah. 560 00:20:47,811 --> 00:20:51,815 ♪ 561 00:20:51,859 --> 00:20:52,816 - Ms. Wagner? 562 00:20:52,860 --> 00:20:55,384 I have got to tell you. 563 00:20:55,428 --> 00:20:56,951 You have the sexiest trash 564 00:20:56,994 --> 00:21:00,737 I have ever dumped into a larger bin. 565 00:21:00,781 --> 00:21:03,871 You ever been to the good gravel pit? 566 00:21:03,914 --> 00:21:06,047 - Ooh, now, you know, I would love to, 567 00:21:06,090 --> 00:21:10,660 but my friend Stef has the biggest crush on you. 568 00:21:10,704 --> 00:21:12,488 - Ooh. 569 00:21:12,532 --> 00:21:15,709 [Wolf Parade "You Are A Runner and I Am My Father's Son"] 570 00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:17,363 - You two have fun. 571 00:21:17,406 --> 00:21:22,063 ♪